Dairy #3

this website is the only thing keeping me together, the only thing i do now is try and make the code faster or try and make these, i just can't get over that terminal is dead and i know that i should be over it but i just can't even his name being mentioned makes me break down in tears, let alone going somewhere that i went with him i can't keep bottling this up eventually is going to spill and i don't want it to spill but i know it will, i can't get him out of my head i know i fucked up i know i caused his death i know i did i know i fucking did but i just cannot get myself to let go of it, and i don't want to bother the others with my grief because i know they won't care or will just be annoyed that i can't let go of it, i need help but i can't force myself to get it, i wish that i could just say that something is wrong but i can't its like the words won't come out, im gonna need someone to force me to talk about it until then, stay frosty and goodbye for now.